woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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