I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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