I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
