U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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