I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize