I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
