i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize