R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
