I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
