Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He called his prostate his "boner button".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
