ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
