so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
