I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
