i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
