he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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