hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my poor anus
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
