She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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