only if we run a train.
done.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize