Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She bit a glass in half.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
