Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
