I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
