dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
