it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
