So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
