tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
