I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
