u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
