I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
