Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize