drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
