Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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