drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
