turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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