Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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