Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
