If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
