so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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