No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
