I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
