Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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