hell yes lets make some ravioli
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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