We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
