i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
