he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
