I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
