One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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