Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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