Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
