i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
