also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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