You work out of a Hotel?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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