I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am spending my child support on dildos
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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