your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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