Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
is it fun? or sober?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
