why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
