i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
