I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
