I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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