I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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