that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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