i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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