That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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