They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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