He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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