Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
