Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
