Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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