Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
