i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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