when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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