you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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