i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
