when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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