the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
