wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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