thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
