Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize