The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
