"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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