That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
