Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
