low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
