So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
