Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
