I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
