just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
