Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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