I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
