T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The Olympian is in my bed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
