i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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