a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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