Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
