I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
