listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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