she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize