just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
