just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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