ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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