I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
