he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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