Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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