I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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