when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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