Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
