in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
