So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize