my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
