i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
