Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he just fucked me for my cheese.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
